batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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