he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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