She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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