You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
