just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
