She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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