I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
