He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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