also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
