i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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