Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
