Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize