I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
