Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
