Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
