I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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