this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
