so that wasnt chicken after all
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
