wanna go halves on a baby?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
