Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
