The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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