I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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