Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
