Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
