did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
