Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
