Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
