I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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