Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
