Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
