My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
