When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
