Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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