I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
