ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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