don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize