You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize