what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
