I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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