im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
