I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
