dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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