i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish they made helmets for livers.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
