Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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