Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
