NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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