Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
