susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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