i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
