I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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