Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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