you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
