1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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