Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
