I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
