I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I can't turn off my feet"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
