Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
