I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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