My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
That was an excessively violent trivia night
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
