where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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