I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
