I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
