shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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