btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
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