i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
