i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
