so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
