4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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