I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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