Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize