There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
