bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I understand Curling. That high.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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