Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
