We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize