So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
