Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
