pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I love having hate sex.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
