Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
