He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
