yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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