Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
