The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My penis needs a shock collar
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
