Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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