Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
