if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
All I want is dick and wine.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
