it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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