Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
