I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
