Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
