I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
