i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize